Shut Your Piehole! is pleased (relatively speaking) to present its first-ever Rookie of the Year award. Our winner has uniquely managed to say more stupid things in only a few weeks of broadcasting than even the worst veterans can utter in an entire season. My two favorites, both from the Sox-Angels series (I'm paraphrasing):
1. Game 4, top of the 1st inning, two runners on, nobody out, and Ervin Santana's on the hill:
"The secret here for Santana is to get out of this inning with as little damage as possible. That way, he can get back to the dugout, relax, and go out there and settle down."
Really? WOW! What incredible insight! We're so glad you shared this amazing secret with us! I can't understand why anyone questions your managing ability or your complete lack of success in the playoffs.
2. Game 1, with the White Sox up:
"The White Sox get to play in all those warm-weather parks in their division. Kansas City, Texas, even Cleveland."
Ah, yes. That popular December vacation spot, Kansas City. Where the only thing that's hot from November to March is the never-ending BBQ. Yes, that's a great warm-weather park. As for Cleveland - yes, another beachfront paradise. Cancel the Bahamas, honey, we're going kayaking on the Cuyahoga!
And let's not forget the classic, time-eternal Rangers-White Sox rivalry. These two have been battling it out for the division title since...NEVER! They're in different divisions!
So with that, Shut Your Piehole! presents the 2005 Rookie of the Year award to former Yankees and D-Rays skipper Lou Piniella. We wish you a new job managing, so you don't ever return to the booth, and wish for all of our readers a short remainder of the postseason so that Fox has less opportunities to give this nincompoop a microphone.
Oh, and one more wish for you, Lou - we wish that you'd SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE!
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