Why Amphetamines?

Baseball's new illegal substance policy is what it is. It's a reaction to Congressional backlash. But it is now the law of the baseball land and that's that. First-time offenders will be suspended for 50 games if they test positive for a substance on the banned-items list. Second offenses will lead to a 100-game suspesnsion and third-time offenders will get the dreaded but nebulous "banned for life" punishment. I guess that's ok. I guess I just don't care anymore -- they've beaten this issue to death worse than I used to beat my buddy Rahman in MarioKart on the N64.

The thing about this new agreement that I don't understand is why amphetamines were part of the deal. They have been a part of baseball for 60 years (Mickey Mantle used to take them) and not all of them are dangerous. Sure ephedra is bad, but is ritalin or adderal? If doctors prescribe these drugs to 11 year old children for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, why can't athletes in peak condition take them? Besides the legal question of taking a controlled substance without a doctor's prescription, who really cares if taking a pill before a big game helps you focus? Is that really cheating? Banning greenies, as they're called, is just overkill.

Sure, Congress and the morality police would have you believe that the game should be played free and clear of any and all chemicals. But caffiene is a stimulant and caffiene is one of the main ingredients in some of these greenies. So, no more coffee in the clubhouse?

This all goes back to Davis and McCain and Waxman and Bunning being morons, wasting taxpayer dollars and precious time on a big, fat non-issue. And then both parties wonder why more than half of voting-age Americans, like myself, have been turned off by the political process? Here's some advice to the "honorable" politicians: now that steroid-free ballplayers' nuts will go back to their normal size, why don't you go gag on them you miserable fucks.